By Lizzy Bliss
I recently laughed at a meme that read “Please stop sending me d–k picks. Send me a video of you reading a book, so I know you’re not an illiterate fool”.
After I had a chuckle, I realised it’s funny because it’s true and I can relate because I am sapiosexual. The Merriam Webster dictionary classifies sapiosexual as “sexually attracted to highly intelligent people” or “a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing”.
The meme had a point. Not knocking your predilection for a naughty snap now and then, but personally I have always been attracted to intellect. I am not going to sugarcoat it, though; it can be tough being attracted to intelligence.
Of the 12 (give or take) men I dated before I got married, all of them were intellectuals. Now, as great as an intellectual partner seems, especially in romanticised Hollywood movies, it comes with a caveat. About 80% of these individuals were either clingy, narcissistic, plenty selfish or a combination of all three.
However, I overlooked most of this because the conversations were stimulating and filled with witty banter.
Most people are into brawn and beards. But I am physically attracted to intelligence, and you could be too without realising it.
What is a sapiosexual, exactly?
Admittedly, I pretty much gave it away in the first paragraph, but to make sure we’re on the same page: if you’re a sapiosexual, intelligence turns you on sexually.
There’s a distinction between people who are merely drawn to intelligent people and those that are aroused by it.
For sapiosexuals, whenever we’re engaged in a stimulating conversation with a smart individual, it’s more than just interesting or fascinating, it turns us on. It’s an aphrodisiac. It’s when a person’s mind gets you so caught up that it’s seductive and entrancing, even when you really don’t want it to be.
While reflecting on being sapiosexual, I realised that all of the guys I dated spoke slower and articulated better. It seems like a silly point to mention, but they were thinking about what they were saying before they said it.
I’m not saying they tell jokes at the same pace as Steven Wright, but there’s just a beat before the words come out. It really turned me on, and if you can relate but never really figured out why you’re wired this way, you could be sapiosexual and part of an elite few.
Signs you are probably sapiosexual
Now that you know a little bit about being sapiosexual and how it can affect you, here are some of the telltale signs you are sexually attracted to intelligence.
1. An articulated individual turns you on
If we’re honest, most people can appreciate this character trait. But, it’s a bit different for a sapiosexual. A vast vocabulary turns you on. Which means every second adjective isn’t an expletive! You consciously look for self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
When a person knows enough about nearly any topic of conversation and doesn’t fixate on any one of them, it does it for you. And here’s the kicker: if they are bilingual it’s even better!
2. First interactions tend to be exceptional and intense
A sign you’re sapiosexual is that you’re not into small talk. The shallow stuff doesn’t do it for you, and superficial conversation irritates you. You prefer someone who makes direct eye contact and asks you questions that catch you a bit off guard. Someone who holds your attention for longer than two minutes will probably keep it for longer than two dates as well.
3. Acumen is foreplay
I know I said an intellectual speaks slower at times, but that doesn’t mean they’re slow with decision-making or witty replies. A sapiosexual is seriously turned on by a person’s acumen, keen insight and judgement. So much so that sapiosexuals handle long-distance relationships better than anyone else. As long as there are stimulating and consistent conversations, physical longing is a lot less (noticeable in lockdown!).
Fun new facts or a quote from one of your favourite books or poems get you going. Plus acumen can be very good for mastering dirty talk in the bedroom, just saying.
4. Debating counts as flirting
Debating with someone who knows what they are talking about and can make an argument with the best of them, gets you all hot and bothered. Others could see this as an argument, but sapiosexuals look at it as a match of wits, verbal sparring and flirting.
This doesn’t work if it ends in a huff and a puff. But, if you’re smiling at the end, even internally, then you are most likely in trouble, sapiosexual.
There’s so much more to be said about being a sapiosexual, but I hope this sheds some light on the topic and will help you identify as a sapiosexual. Or not.
Found out more on Lizzy Bliss